FIRST ONE: The One We've All Heard a Million Times So Far
(or, at least, I have. My *teacher* told it in *government* *class*. Even though he's a Democrat. Hmmm. Strangeness ...)
A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving." He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me Officer, what's the hold up?"
The Officer replies, "The President is just so depressed about this impeachment thing he stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking round taking up a collection for him."
"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"
"So far, only about thirty-two gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning."
SECOND ONE: You Sort Of See the Ending Coming, But You Clap Anyway When It Gets There
Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window and make one person very happy."
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."
Hillary tosses her perfectly hair-sprayed hair and says, "Of course, I could throw one-hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."
Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country very happy!"
THIRD: This Is My Definition of an Applaudable Joke
President Bill Clinton was visiting an elementary school. When he visited one of the classes (4th grade I believe), they were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "Tragedy." So our illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a tragedy.
One little boy stood up and offered, "If my best friend, who lives next door, was playing in the street and a car came along and ran over him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Clinton, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy," she said.
"I'm afraid not," explained Mr. President. "That's what we would call a Great Loss."
The room goes silent.
No other children volunteered. President Clinton searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. & Mrs. Clinton, was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy!"
"Fantastic," exclaimed Clinton, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," said the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"